Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
