I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
