I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
