All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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