never play flip cup with pint glasses
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
