dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
