i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
