Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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