its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
