Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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