There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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