like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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