Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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