take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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