i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
