we have officially lost it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
