My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
