Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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