No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
