Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want a musical about memes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
