Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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