the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
