...so i touched it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
