I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
