So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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