I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My liver just had a heart attack.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
