"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
