Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
