3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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