I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
