I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
