i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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