Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
