Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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