I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
