so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
