It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
