It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
