He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
