The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
