my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you never un-have a 4some
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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