I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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