my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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