I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize