New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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