I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am available for nakedness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
