On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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