I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
