I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
