how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
