A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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