it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
