Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
