i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
