Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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