mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
