I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
