guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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