remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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