I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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