Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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