what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
