Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
