Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
