i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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