i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
