Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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