Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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