he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
