Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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