You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
