non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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