do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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