Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
