We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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