he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
