Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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