you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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