I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
