please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
