he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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