why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize