I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
