Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Congratulations! We have a period
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