Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
