a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
