watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
