just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
