So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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