dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
