Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
