Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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