I smell stomach acid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
