Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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