you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
