We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
