Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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