My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
